Things that are appreciated and things that are not

Since I’ve been disabled I’ve noticed some things that I do appreciate from others and things that I do not appreciate when it comes to people’s actions.  

The Appreciated:

1.       Eye Contact. I appreciate when family/friends make eye contact with me because it makes me feel like they’re paying attention to the conversation and not only to my disability/illness.

2.       Behaving normally. I loved it when my good friend Jennifer came to visit and treated me the same as before. Just because someone is disabled doesn’t mean your mannerisms towards them need to change.

3.       Asking questions appropriately. There’s nothing wrong with asking questions about one’s condition as long as you do it in a well- mannered fashion. Chances are the more you know, the more you’ll both feel at ease when visiting.

4.       Support. The absolute best thing in my opinion that you can give is support because odds are the person with the disability/illness has highs and lows. Giving them support when they really need it can go a long way.

The NOT appreciated:

1.       Making No eye contact. No eye contact is horrible. I know you have good intentions because you don’t want to stare too much but not staring at all can be worst. It can make the person feel like you’re avoiding them.

2.       Trying to say things like “You look so good though”. I hate this one because it feels like the person is implying just because you look good at the moment means you can’t be THAT sick. They don’t realize that just because I look good at the moment doesn’t mean I’m not sick. You don’t see the person who is ill 24/7 so you don’t get to see them at their worst.

3.        When doctors say “It’s all in your head”. This really grinds my gears because multiple doctors have told me this and whenever they say it, I feel like screaming. My symptoms ARE real. It’s not in my head and I’ve already gotten a psych clearance to disprove that theory. (Even if it is a psychological illness/disability the symptoms are still real, just because it comes from a different area doesn’t mean your symptoms are any less real).

4.       Stop being my friend. It really sucks when someone who is ill/disabled loses friends because of that. Sorry I can’t go out all the time like before and just because I can’t doesn’t mean you need to be rude and stop being my friend.

                                          <3<3<3

On a different note…I GOT MY WHEELCHAIR! Now some might be thinking why I am happy about this because usually someone wouldn’t be happy about having one. Well for me a wheelchair equals freedom because prior to receiving it, I was hardly able to go out in public for one main reason of fear of falling. Now that I have a wheelchair those risks are decreased and I can actually get out in public a bit more and I can go fast! I haven’t traveled along fast in a long time now. So that is why I am happy about my wheelchair.

One of my family members was on the fence about it though. She said that she doesn’t like that I have one because it makes her feel stressed and it makes her feel like I am actually really sick and that she doesn’t know why I got one and that I don’t need it. When I heard this I was frustrated because I know my she is emotional and that she loves me and she doesn’t like seeing me like this but it made me upset on the fact that she said that because of the way she feels about it. I’m the one in the situation, I’m the one who has to go through this and you’re saying you don’t want me to have it because it makes you stressed out?

I also don’t like how she said “actually sick.” Actually sick? I’ve been sick! I am sick. A great portion of my family just tends to be in denial of the situation. It’s quite annoying because they need to face the reality. I’ve accepted it already and so should they. I know they act this way and say these things out of love but they don’t realize that it hurts.

If you’re someone who has a loved one who is ill/disabled and you make them upset by accident. Don’t feel too guilty, we know you had good intentions but sometimes acting/ saying things in a certain way that you think would be best really isn’t. I suggest talking openly with your loved one about it and come to an agreement on how you should approach things.

If you’re someone who is ill/disabled cut your loved ones some slack too because it pains them to see you not well and sometimes they are going to make mistakes. Most importantly, NEVER GIVE UP. Keep fighting and be strong because you are a warrior in this constant battle known as life.